How to Navigate a Crisis of Faith

God tells us in the Qur'an, in chapter 29, verse 57, كل نفس ذائقة الموت ثم إلينا ترجعون, "Every soul tastes death and then is returned unto us." These words are often understood, and even translated, as referring to a future event: the moment when we literally pass from this worldly life. Yet the Arabic tells a slightly different story. The word ذائقة is a present participle, which is most accurately translated as "is tasting." Every soul is tasting death--always and everywhere in this life. It is only in the garden that we will experience life in its purest form. In this world, life will always be tinged by at least a hint of death because nothing that we hold dear can remain constant.

It is important to remember that this applies to our faith as well. This is a difficult pill to swallow for believers, especially those who, at some point in their lives, consciously turned away from disbelief. We have a sense of being rescued by this wonderful thing called iman. We have experienced the darkness of life without it. That stark contrast makes it the sweetest thing we possess. So what are we to do when we experience a crisis of faith--when we feel that darkness creeping back in, and the light slipping from us despite our best efforts to cling to it?

Steve Jobs once said, reflecting on his diagnosis with terminal cancer, "Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there." For many of us today, this could be a commentary on verse 29:57, because it is our reality. Heaven comes at a price; nearness to God in this life also comes at a price. However, we live in a culture that has conditioned us to expect sweetness at no price. I mean this quite literally. Think of all the artificial sweeteners on the market. Splenda, Sweet N' Low, Equal, and Stevia all exist because we want soft drinks without the calories. They (supposedly) remove the need for moderation or balancing our consumption with exercise. Yet God tells us that the price of returning to Him is tasting death. This is just as true of our faith as it will be our bodies. The real question is whether, like our bodies, our faith will be resurrected after it dies.

Alhamdulillah, I've been blessed to work in the community at Taleef for many years now. I've sat with dozens of people going through crises of faith. The common thread in nearly every case has been growth disguised as loss. Scratch the surface of these crises and you find that what has departed a person is neither their belief in God nor their love of the Prophet ﷺ. It is their way of believing and loving. What has carried them to this point will not carry them forward. The same answers don't satisfy them. The same level of practice doesn't work. Well, can we really assume that we grasp faith in its fullness from the first moment it enters our hearts? Does the faith of a 10 year old work for a 20 year old? Most of us have matured enough to know that would be impossible. Why, then, do we think will not lose our faith, in its current form, again by age 30? And yet again by 40? Every soul must taste death to return to its Lord.

Cicadas are among my favorite of God's signs in this world, and they provide an apt metaphor for our own crises of faith. Look around one summer when you hear the cicadas buzzing, and you'll probably see their molted shells on tree trunks. Keep looking and you may see a newly emerged cicada with a soft, tender exoskeleton. It won't be able to fly again until its body expands and hardens into its larger form. Imagine yourself as a cicada for a moment. Growth requires the unthinkable. You have to break through a part of your own self, part of yourself that you identify with, but which has nonetheless died. Doing this will leave you vulnerable, temporarily unable to spread your wings the way you used to. Then you must sit there in that vulnerability as your body grows into a new form. Refusal to do so means death by paralysis: your body will harden in its old shell and die. Submitting to this process means death that returns you to a new life. Not an easy prospect for the cicada! But to the outside observer, this simply looks like growth.

Our challenge as believers is not to become paralyzed when we enter into a crisis of faith. Yes, the faith that carried us here is passing away. But do we worship our own faith? Or do we worship God? The ability to let go of what has passed enables us to look for what God is guiding us towards, which is certainly better. Our religion is submission, and submission requires trust. God is al-qareeb, He is Nearby, and He is simply asking you to abandon an old, worn-out garment that will only constrict you going forward.

Also know that this process is Prophetic. The Messenger of God ﷺ used to seek repentance from God 70 times per day. There are multiple interpretations of why he did this. One of them is that this was the number of times per day that God would raise his spiritual rank; his repentance was for the relative poverty of his previous position. One of the reasons he is a mercy and example to all of humanity is that he shows us that we can grow gracefully. The best of us, and the rest of us, have been through it. Knowing this is knowing that you are not alone. We're waiting for you on the other side.

And God knows best.